When I failed as a momma of one.

From 11-1, on most weekdays, I have office hours in the management office. It is connected to our apartment, so it is a perfect situation. (Especially when Brody's nap is at 11:30.) In the half hour he is awake during my office hours, he is usually busy playing with my car keys, pushing buttons on the calculator, trying to beg me for candy out of the candy jar, writing on sticky notes with pens, and running around in the lounge.

Yesterday's office hours weren't any different- until they took a turn for the worst.

Brody ran into the lounge (which is right outside the office) as the phone rang. I answered the phone, knowing Brody would probably go find the lounge remotes for the TV and bring them to me, or he would climb his way onto the piano bench and practice his tunes, or he would find something else to get into while I was on the phone. As I finished the conversation, I realized that I hadn't heard or seen Brody during that whole phone conversation. As I casually walked into the lounge to find out what he was up to, my heart sank..

Brody was no where to be seen inside of that room.

My eyes made their way across the room, to the unlatched door, on the far side of the room. My feet made their way there quicker. I opened the door and ran outside. I did not see my little blonde boy anywhere. I frantically ran to the nearest parking lot, calling his name, over and over, knowing he wouldn't come even if he could hear me. I didn't know what else to do though.

As my attempt to find him in that parking lot failed, I ran my pregnant self to the other parking lot. As I rounded the corner, relief spread through my body as I saw one of our tenants carrying my diaper wearing, barefoot, blue eyed, curious boy towards me. I could not thank him enough for bringing back my most precious little guy back to me. He told me, "When I saw this little guy by the Fed Ex truck, I figured you may not be aware of where he was..."

Yeah, no, I wasn't aware that he was in the parking lot, next to a Fed Ex truck, let alone a million other cars nearby. Not to mention near two extremely busy streets... Nope, I didn't know that. Now I do- thanks.

Thanks, upstairs neighbor, for saving my toddler's life. Okay, I am leaving now, to go punish myself.

I held him tight that day as we made our way back through the lounge, and to the office. I put a "Be back in 15 minutes" sign up, locked the door, and got Brody his baba of milk for his nap. I cuddled him in the rocking chair, and cuddled him some more. I tried my best not to think about all of the millions of awful things that could have happened to him while my eyes filled with tears. Brody's face was blurry as I held my little baby close and sang him his bedtime songs.

The fact that this situation could have turned out so much worse weighs heavy on my heart. I keep replaying what happened yesterday in my head over and over again. I was embarrassed to relay the story to Jeff later that day- the story if how I nearly lost his child to my lack of attentiveness.

And here I go, adding another baby to my responsibility the end of this short month. What am I thinking?

I just need to take some breaths. The end.