A Change

Before Brody was born I had every intention of transferring to BYU in Utah, and earning a master's degree in Mathematics.
Last semester I planned and organized how I was going to get all the prerequisites done within the next two semesters at both BYU-Idaho and BYU.
It was going to be a mix of extra courses this semester, distant learning courses in the Fall, and two classes at BYU during the Winter.
By the time Fall 2013 came around, I'd be ready to start the Master's Program at BYU.
I was ambitious and motivated.
There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I was going to execute this plan all the way through.

And then Brody came.
A week after his arrival, I was sitting in my rocking chair one morning with the little guy in my arms.
It was really early, and the two of us were the only ones awake.
While the sun came up through the kitchen window, I thought about the future, our future.
I was amazed at how different it looked now with this tiny little face looking up at me.
This tiny spirit, straight from heaven, was sent down to me.
To me.
I knew at that moment what I wanted our future to look like.
I wanted to be the best mom I could possibly be for this little guy.
I knew that this wasn't possible to do if I wasn't at home.
Getting all the prerequisites completed, organizing my schedule to complete the master's program, and working at the college in order to pay for the degree,
was not going to allow me to give Brody the attention that he deserved to have.

So right then I realized how different my life had become.
Rather than feeling disappointed, frustrated, or sad..
I felt so happy.
I felt so complete.
I felt like my life had more direction than it had ever had before.

I am a mom.
I am so blessed.
I want to make the most of this experience,
because I know that in a blink of an eye my kids will be all grown up,
and moving out of the house.
I want to embrace these moments.

It is true,
that with a baby comes
sleepless nights,
unwanted headaches,
less money,
and other things to not get super excited about.

But I honestly don't mind.

I know that in the big picture,
this is only a small snapshot of my life.
I have only been a mom for a little over a month and a half now,
and in that time,
more joy has been added to my life than ever before.

The best feeling is having that little bundle of joy in my arms,
holding him so so close,
and knowing that he is all mine,
and that I get to be his mom.

I know that this is what I am supposed to dedicate this portion of my life to;
& knowing that, I couldn't be more happier.