On Parenting

Before officially becoming a Mom, I had this idea in my head that it would be this straight forward thing. I thought that if I could go through the motions, my kids would grow up strong and smart, and I would have done my part. My lack of experience in this Mama area was the cause of these misinterpretations of Motherhood.

I've only been a Mother for 1 month and 6 days. I can already tell you that it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. And Brody is an easy, laid back, content, little baby. We got lucky. He is definitely the best "training child" that Jeff and I could have received.

One thing I have learned so far is that there are so many "right" ways to parent. From sleeping habits, to feeding schedules, to pacifiers, to bottles, to formula, to blah blah blah. In the past several months, I have had so much parenting advice. It is confusing. Like most Moms, I would like to do what is best for my child. This conflicting advice has inflicted so much stress on my mothering decisions. Sally said that I should do this. But Susan said that I should do it this way instead. But Sally said that this was the only way that would work. But Sarah said that both of those ways are bad and that this is what I should do instead.

Today, as I was laying in my bed feeding Brody, Jeff had just left for work, I realized something. I need to do what I am comfortable with, as a mother, of my own child. I have read so many parenting articles on the internet, explored many parenting blogs, and read multiple books on parenting styles, and while I've taken bits and pieces from each, they all end up conflicting with one another. So what one is right? Gosh, if I knew, I wouldn't be telling you how completely confused I have become over the past several months.

One of the greatest challenges I have had with being a Mom so far happens daily, around 11pm at night. I look at Brody, wide awake in his swing, and get this feeling that I am a horrible Mom. My little baby is still awake and I am fully aware that bedtime is a slightly important concept. I tried the cry it out method. I tried, I tried, I tried, I failed. Many of my young mom friends in this area swear by it. They have told me all of the positives and claim it is the best thing I can do for my child. I believe them. I am sure it does really really work, and I am sure it works for a lot of families. Jeff and I however.. it's not working.

I attempted to start the cry it out  method when Brody was 2 1/2 weeks old on a weekend that Jeff closed 3 nights in a row. I knew Jeff wouldn't be able to handle the crying, so I planned to be strong and get through 3 of the hardest first nights with Brody crying it out. I hoped that  Brody would be better by Monday night, and it wouldn't be so bad for Jeff.  So I fed him, kept him awake during the feeding, laid him down in his bed, kissed him goodnight, and closed the door. He cried in his crib. I cried on the living room couch.

Brody is one of the most content babies I have ever met. He barely ever cries. It's a tiny whine that sounds like a small kitten, and it can be easily fixed by a quick diaper change or a feeding. So when I would leave him in his crib and listen to him cry, eventually getting to this bloody murder cry, I couldn't do it. It felt like I was putting him in his crib, poking him with a needle, and closing the door behind me. Why would I make this little baby cry when he is so content at all other times of the day? It was too hard, and even more difficult when Jeff was home. I had heard time and time again how beneficial this strategy was, so I was therefore stronger about it than Jeff, who had just heard the benefits second hand from me. Jeff will listen and wait through his crying for approximately 3 minutes and insist on rescuing him. It's hard to tell him not to, when that is exactly what I want to do as well. So we go and get him. We place him in his swing, and that is where he sleeps until we put him in his crib when we are ready for bed. 

Brody is 5 weeks old as of yesterday. I have tried the cry it out method so many nights between that first weekend and now, and I have figured out that it is not for me. The look on his little sad face when I go get him from his crib, and the way he quiets immediately when I pick him up, is enough to convince me of this.

I enjoy cuddling with my little baby. I like taking naps with him in my bed. I enjoy waking up next to him and seeing his scrunchy little tired face as he wakes up. I love holding him until he falls asleep and placing my content tiny baby in his crib for the night. And when he wakes up during the night because he is hungry, I like being able to take him into bed with Jeff and I and feed him until he falls asleep again. These are things I have learned that I enjoy and are things that have become some of my favorite aspects of being a Mom. I don't want to replace these with leaving my baby to cry. Maybe I'll feel differently when it is my second baby, but for now, this is what I am comfortable with.

As I said before, I have realized that there are so many "right" ways to parent. Jeff and I are figuring out our way. It is a harder job than I thought it would be. But after this realization, I am not as nervous about it anymore. I know that if I can do the things that feel right to Jeff and I, that we will be happier with the decisions we are making and will feel more confident that we are doing the "right" things for Brody. Also, I have realized that instead of always immediately going straight to the internet to answer my motherhood questions, I can go to my Heavenly Father. He knows better than anyone what is best for my specific child, and that gives me more comfort than anything.