quiet nights

My little Bonnie is about to be two months old already in just a few days. I remember when Brody was this age, time felt like it was going by so quickly. However, I am amazed at how much faster time seems to be flying by with two kids. I can't believe that it has almost been TWO months since this precious little girl entered our lives.

She's been literally the easiest baby that I can ever imagine. She rarely cries. When she does, I know that it is for one of three things- diaper change, hungry, or tired. If she is tired, I just lay her in her bed and asleep she falls. It is incredible. I wonder daily if it is because I just got lucky with a great tempered babe, or if it is because I'm simply a more experienced momma. Probably a little of both.

I remember with Brody I was always so stressed that I wasn't doing something right. I also always felt like people were judging my decisions, which constantly made me self conscious about the choices I was making with Brody. I still feel myself feeling this way occasionally, but I definitely am a way more confident parent the second time around.

I understand how to use things like cry-it-out comfortably. I understand so much better how to read my baby and know her exact need. It just feels good. I always (and still do) wonder how there are moms out there with 5, 6, 7, or more kids. After having Brody, while he was still a little baby, I remember wondering if I'd even have the ability to handle two kids at once. And while it is still hard, I have figured out that you just adjust. Your heart expands and is able to love two at once, and your ability to take care of children improves. The multitasking skill... man oh man how that skill grows and grows each day.

Bonnie was sent to us to be a second child for a reason. She amazes me with her ability to be patient. There are times where a full feeding takes more than an hour for her because I constantly have to lay her down in the middle, take care of something (Brody attempting to launch himself off his highchair, Brody stinking up the entire room/house with a diaper-like smells, a knock on the door from a tenant locked out of his house, the dinner needing to be removed from the oven...), and then continue to feed her. She just lays there and waits, even though I know there are times where she is so so hungry.

She has started to smile more frequently lately. It melts my heart. She is such a happy baby, even with her living in a house where the background noise tends to be a screaming toddler. She sleeps through the craziest sounds. Again, she was meant to be the second child.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bad for Bonnie though. I start feeling like I'm letting her down by not giving her the amount of attention that I used to give to Brody when he was a baby. She's just so tiny, and so innocent. She deserves so much love- just as much as Brody did. But I have to remember that Heavenly Father sent her down as a second child for a reason. As long as I am doing my best, and loving her just as much as Brody, everything will be right and okay. She will somehow understand.. I hope.

During the long hours of the night, I get to cuddle with my sweet baby, Bonnie. I lay on my side, and pull her as close to me a possible. Babies are the best snugglers. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just watch her sleeping so peacefully. I listen to her breathing and lay there in awe that she is really all mine. She is so precious to me. My heart is overwhelmed with love every time I get to hold her close in the quietness of the night. She's mine, all mine. (And maybe a little of Jeff's too.)