Laid Back Kind of Momma

 
Today was a good day. I didn't have to teach and I got to feel life as just a momma. It was peaceful, fulfilling, and wonderful.  I love having my mornings filled with noisy toys, messy baby food, and warm bottles of milk. Brody had a tough time going down for his naps today. He has officially moved into his own room and is still getting used his crib again. Being home all day with Brody made me understand him more than I feel like I normally do. Taking care of my little guy without many other distractions allowed me to focus on his needs and be the momma I know I want to be. When Brody is unsettled, like he is as he is getting used to his crib, he has a cry that I know right when I hear it. It makes me feel almost sick to my stomach. I know when I hear this cry that all he needs is a little extra cuddle and rock in the rocking chair, and before long he will go right to sleep when I put lay him back down.

I know I have only been a mom for a little over a year now, but I am so thankful for the many lessons that Brody has already taught me. There are so many people, including doctors, nurses, friends, neighbors, and more, that will tell you exactly what you need to do in every parenting situation. I know that the best teacher and advice giver is actually your own sweet, innocent, child. They know what is best for them, and in turn, as a parent, you will know what is best for them, and for you for that matter. I have learned that listening to others, especially to those who don't know Brody personally, only leads to frustration, confusion, and stress. Instead, I have found in so many cases already that doing it my own way has always worked out better.

I am striving to parent in a laid back sort of way. Not in every way, but in some. I have found that if i just let nature take its course with Brody, everyone is happier. Things like sleeping through the night, breastfeeding length, weening from the bottle, not allowing attachments, and more, will all work themselves out. When I say that I am "striving" to be a laid back parent, means that this has not been an easy journey for me, and I am still working on it. I am so easily influenced by the advice that I am given that whenever I hear these opinions I think and dwell on the ideas for so long. It literally brings me down. I feel like I am swimming up stream, trying to figure out how to be a mom, and when new ideas or criticism is thrown at me, I get so flustered that I may not be doing the right thing.

But I want to be laid back. I want to remember to be laid back.

For example, I wanted so badly to breastfeed for an entire year, however, I got pregnant again and while my milk supply decreased drastically, 3 weeks before Brody turned one, I stopped breastfeeding. I was a bit devastated, even though I didn't tell other people that aloud. I don't like to fall short of my goals, but this one I didn't have much of a choice. However, I know that it was the right time for Brody and for me. Brody switched to the bottle full time so easily. He completely switched to whole milk so smoothly. I know that he was ready to not be nursed at night anymore. I had absolutely no pain when I stopped nursing. I always thought that was a requirement when you stopped. My body was ready, just like my baby was ready. If I would have just stopped thinking about all of the people who told me I had to nurse for a year no matter what, and just listened to Brody and my own body, I wouldn't have been so stressed about this transition.

The other day a nurse said to me, "So Brody is over a year now, he is completely off the bottle, right?" I looked at her with a surprised expression, and replied, "No, should he be?" While she explained to me that he should not be on a bottle for more than 14 months, and that I need to be starting to switch him immediately, I had to reassure myself that I was doing okay. I had to keep telling myself that I was not failing as a mom. On the way home I stopped at the store and got Brody 5 new sippy cups. We were going to start this immediately. Brody thought the sippy cups were so fun. He would shake them, chew up the lids, take off the lids with his bottom teeth, and poke the different parts with his little figure trying to figure out what the heck I was giving him to play with. Yeah, this was not going to work, especially at the times I was trying to get him calmed down to go to sleep. I knew after that trial run that Brody was not ready. I needed to be more laid back about this.

Therefore, I have decided to put the sippy cups away for awhile longer. Brody loves his bottle, and that is okay with me. I enjoy rocking him to sleep with his bottle. I adore the way his face looks so innocent when he drinks with it. I love how he insists on me holding it, even though we both know that he is fully capable to do it himself. It's his comfort item, and if he want to suck on a bottle for another year, then so be it. I know he will give it up on his own time, and that time is not right now.

I just want to be laid back. I don't want to listen to him crying in his crib for longer than a few minutes. I don't want to desert him in his room for the whole night if he wakes up. I don't want to not rock him at night until he is ready to sleep. I just want to be a mom, a laid back, it will work itself out, kind of mom.