on being poor

It is so easy for me to get caught up in the lives of others with their fancy cruises,
and trips,
and clothes,
and homes,
and decor,
and accessories,
and their cute baby gear,
and their lifestyles..
that sometimes I get distracted, look around at our small apartment,
and can't help myself but feel a little bit down.

Jeff and I are working so hard, both with two jobs,
while working around having a one year old at home,
without daycare.
Jeff is still finishing up his degree right now, so money is tight.
We are constantly living on a budget, doing our best not to take out any loans for school.

It's hard, and I have to constantly remind myself that it is worth it.

I know that when I'm looking -and envying- the lives of others,
I am not allowing myself to enjoy all of the good that I have right now.

I catch myself saying phrases like, "Someday, when..."
And I just need to stop.
I need to slow down because I know that life, right now, isn't all that bad.
We have everything that we need- a little apartment, lots of love, and food at every meal.
We even get to do fun things too, maybe not on an airplane or boat,
but here in our small college town, together as a family of three.
Life as we know it now will never happen again.

So when I stare at pictures of beautiful living rooms and fully remodeled kitchens,
and catch myself drooling,
I just need to stop.
Seriously stop.
Because until my life allows such glorious things like this,
they aren't things even worth thinking about.

What I should be doing instead is playing in the park with my son,
or going on walks with Jeff,
or taking millions of pictures of all of these moments that are never going to happen again.

Jeff is so good at going with the flow and enjoying life everyday.
I envy this about him.
Rarely does he have a bad day,
which is one big reason why I chose to marry him.
Seeing a smile on his face every single day, definitely makes my life feel happier...
even without all of those things waiting patiently on my wish list.

They will come.
But once they do, right now will be gone.
I just need to stop.