holding a chubby little hand

One of the sweetest things that Brody does is when I ask if he wants to hold my hand- he always does. I love the feeling I get when I get to hold that tiny, chubby, little hand. Even when Jeff is pushing him in the stroller, I'll sometimes walk beside the stroller, holding hands with my precious little blonde haired toddler.

One thing that I have learned about Brody is that he is very sensitive in the mornings (and in life in general, haha). But especially in the mornings, he needs everything to be just right. He doesn't like his diaper changed right away, so I hold him on my shoulder, sit in the rocking chair, and cuddle him for sometimes up to a half hour, depending on the morning. He just likes it. I don't complain either because 7:15 comes quickly on some mornings, so just sitting down while snuggling my growing babe is a nice time for me as well. Then I change his diaper, and we go into the living room (always with his two favorite blankets in tow) and watch a cartoon. We hold hands then too. :) Until little Bonnie wakes up and joins us. I just love holding this boy's little hand.

The past week Jeff has been putting Brody to sleep at night. I'll be honest, it has been a nice break. Usually Bonnie gets hungry around 7:00 each night, and since Brody's bedtime is 7:15, Jeff takes over on Brody duty. Jeff is a great Dad though, I must add, and is awesome at putting his little man to bed. Tonight though, Jeff had had enough of little Brody. Brody had not only puked all over (and I mean ALL over) the kitchen floor, he had broken a vase, and he had spilled a whole glass of (thank goodness) water all over the couch, all within the half hour before bedtime. Bonnie had finished eating before Brody's bedtime, so I took over and did bedtime duty. As I sat there, rocking little Brody with his bottle, I asked (I always have to ask first, or he won't let me) if I could hold his hand. He let me hold his slightly bottle chilled hand, and we stayed like that for the next ten minutes, hand in hand- me singing, him becoming drowsy in my arms. At that moment I realized how much I had missed rocking my little baby to sleep at night. While the break had been good, I truly love this nightly ritual.

quiet nights

My little Bonnie is about to be two months old already in just a few days. I remember when Brody was this age, time felt like it was going by so quickly. However, I am amazed at how much faster time seems to be flying by with two kids. I can't believe that it has almost been TWO months since this precious little girl entered our lives.

She's been literally the easiest baby that I can ever imagine. She rarely cries. When she does, I know that it is for one of three things- diaper change, hungry, or tired. If she is tired, I just lay her in her bed and asleep she falls. It is incredible. I wonder daily if it is because I just got lucky with a great tempered babe, or if it is because I'm simply a more experienced momma. Probably a little of both.

I remember with Brody I was always so stressed that I wasn't doing something right. I also always felt like people were judging my decisions, which constantly made me self conscious about the choices I was making with Brody. I still feel myself feeling this way occasionally, but I definitely am a way more confident parent the second time around.

I understand how to use things like cry-it-out comfortably. I understand so much better how to read my baby and know her exact need. It just feels good. I always (and still do) wonder how there are moms out there with 5, 6, 7, or more kids. After having Brody, while he was still a little baby, I remember wondering if I'd even have the ability to handle two kids at once. And while it is still hard, I have figured out that you just adjust. Your heart expands and is able to love two at once, and your ability to take care of children improves. The multitasking skill... man oh man how that skill grows and grows each day.

Bonnie was sent to us to be a second child for a reason. She amazes me with her ability to be patient. There are times where a full feeding takes more than an hour for her because I constantly have to lay her down in the middle, take care of something (Brody attempting to launch himself off his highchair, Brody stinking up the entire room/house with a diaper-like smells, a knock on the door from a tenant locked out of his house, the dinner needing to be removed from the oven...), and then continue to feed her. She just lays there and waits, even though I know there are times where she is so so hungry.

She has started to smile more frequently lately. It melts my heart. She is such a happy baby, even with her living in a house where the background noise tends to be a screaming toddler. She sleeps through the craziest sounds. Again, she was meant to be the second child.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling bad for Bonnie though. I start feeling like I'm letting her down by not giving her the amount of attention that I used to give to Brody when he was a baby. She's just so tiny, and so innocent. She deserves so much love- just as much as Brody did. But I have to remember that Heavenly Father sent her down as a second child for a reason. As long as I am doing my best, and loving her just as much as Brody, everything will be right and okay. She will somehow understand.. I hope.

During the long hours of the night, I get to cuddle with my sweet baby, Bonnie. I lay on my side, and pull her as close to me a possible. Babies are the best snugglers. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just watch her sleeping so peacefully. I listen to her breathing and lay there in awe that she is really all mine. She is so precious to me. My heart is overwhelmed with love every time I get to hold her close in the quietness of the night. She's mine, all mine. (And maybe a little of Jeff's too.)

yucky snow

Brody wasn't the biggest fan of his first day out in the snow. He didn't mind to walk near the snow.. like on the shoveled sidewalk, but once he stepped in the snow, he stopped smiling all together. And oh, if he fell in the snow... life was immediately over. Especially since snow sticks.. to gloves, and pants, and shoes. Holy cow, did Brody freak out. He would start crying and showing me the yucky snow. "Please, mom, get this stuff OFF of me!!" is what he would have said if he could talk.

I have to say though, he was a cute little winter toddler. Gosh, I love my sensitive boy, so so much.

Oh, and this is when he saw a GIANT basketball hoop in a yard nearby. He has been so used to just seeing his Little Tikes hoop that in his room. He could not believe his eyes when he caught sight of this one. He started to jump around and wave his little, puffy arms. So cute!!

the girls in the mall parking lot who taught me about life

I went to the mall by myself, with two kids.

For the few times that I have left the house with two kids in tow, it has been exhausting...
especially when I have went to places without carts...
like the mall.

So I get out of the car, wrap up my body in the baby wrap, while trying not to let the material touch the dirty ground. Then I go to the trunk, and get the stroller out, unfold it, and put the diaper bag in the basket underneath. Then I run over to the other side of the car, take Bonnie out of her car seat, bring her quickly up to the passenger seat (so she doesn't get too cold), lay her down on the seat, and put her inside a warm swaddler. Then I wrap her up in one more blanket, and put her inside the baby wrap on my chest. After that (hopefully Brody isn't getting too anxious to get out of his car seat), I go back to the other side of the car, unbuckle him and lift him out of the car, while being careful not to bump Bonnie too much in the process. I sit Brody in his stroller, lock the car, and we are finally ready to go inside of the mall.

Phew! What a process THAT is. Looking on the bright side, I guess it will stop me from taking unnecessary trips to the mall to spend the money I definitely do not have.

After we walked the mall a bit (stopping at the play place for Brody of course), it was time to leave and get the kids back into the car.. This is basically the same process as the one described above, but backwards. As I was struggling through the steps, a group of five girls came laughing down the parking lot. I could hear bits and pieces of what they were saying.. things about boys, clothes, and other things that I realize I never talk about anymore. What a different life I lead. While those girls, not too much younger than me, were worried about what they were going to wear that next weekend, I'm here worrying about making sure I have an extra baby outfit packed in the diaper bag in case of a major blow out.

At that moment though, while juggling two babies between nap schedules, I realized how much life changes in such a short period of time. And while I am not complaining about these life changes, it struck me just how much life doesn't slow down... ever. We are in one phase of our life, and before we know it, we are in the next.

Jeff and I were talking about how our anniversary is coming up this month and we were listing all of the things that have happened in just those three, short years:
Got married,
moved four times,
changed schools once (Jay),
became managers of an apartment complex,
had two kids,
finished student teaching (Kay),
taught my own class, (Kay)
graduated college (Kay),
changed major (Jay),
sold two cars,
bought one new car...
The list kept going on and on. We realized that without paying much attention, so much has happened in such a short period of time. It made me wonder what other big things are about to happen in the next three years. Life doesn't stop. It doesn't slow down. Pretty soon, I will be looking back on this phase of my life, and as hard as it seems right now, I may even catch myself missing it.

I'm a young girl, with two babies, and a husband in college. This is a phase of life I will never be able to relive. So I want to live it up now. With all the diapers, throw up, and messy toys... some days are harder than others. But then there's those times that Brody randomly comes up behind me and gives me a huge hug, right on my back as I sit on the floor cleaning up those messy toys. Those are the moments I need to focus on.